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ForCollegeForLife Podcast Ep. 9: Carlos J Malave

TRANSCRIPT

Casey J Cornelius (00:06):

Hey everyone. And thanks for joining the latest episode of the, for college for life podcast. My name is Casey Cornelius, founder and president for college for life. And it is an absolute pleasure to get to share with you some behind the scenes stories and, uh, expertise of our speakers, of our consultants, of the people who make up our team. I’ve had just the best time getting to introduce these folks to you. I know that many of you have been enjoyed, um, getting to know them as well, and you’ve liked and shared and subscribed and, and all that other kind of stuff that people do on social media and, and on podcasts. And I genuinely genuinely appreciate it. The speaker that we’re gonna talk with today really has an incredibly powerful story and, uh, and, and a really strong, I think we would call it. Why, um, before we get into that though, I want to tell you just a little bit about him.

Casey J Cornelius (00:59):

Carlos J Mave is the author of translating your success and developer of the restorative power program. He quickly established himself as a dynamic and passionate speaker and his efforts establishing the restorative power program in classrooms across the country has harnessed a genuine passion into a unique message of perseverance, compassion and inspiration. His work within Kip and the Houston community has been featured on AB ABC 13 news. And in 2018, he worked with the Texas legislators to help draft and pass a bill to implement restorative practices within public schools. Carlos has 10 years of teaching experience in K 12, with 10 years of speaking and consulting experience in higher education as a restorative practitioner, his work consists of helping youth find the power in their vulnerability really, really important. Carlos was born and raised in New York and now resides in Houston, Texas with his beautiful wife and daughter. So without any further ado, let me go ahead and bring to the mic. Carlos, Jay Mave. Carlos, thanks for joining in today.

Carlos J Malave (02:06):

Thank you for having me, man. I appreciate the intro and the time you take to meet with me today.

Casey J Cornelius (02:13):

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So let’s talk a little bit about your, your journey, Carlos, for people who might not be familiar with you and your work, especially as it relates to restorative power, like how did you get started in the field of education and specifically get interested in this topic?

Carlos J Malave (02:31):

Hmm, that’s a good question. Um, my educational background started all the way back in college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was a former college athlete, played college basketball. And while at college I was looking to find a passion in something that gave me the same feeling that I got when I was on the basketball court. You know, the butterflies before the game, the, you know, the preparation before the game and then the butterflies before the game. And then after the first couple minutes, the preparation kicks in and you know, you’re ready to go. So I was looking for that, looking for that. And I remember I was voluntold to nice words. Yeah, yeah. Yes. I was voluntold to speak at a conference at my campus and I had no clue that I could even do this. So I remember I was a gym rat, um, in my basketball days.

Carlos J Malave (03:34):

And I remember I used to, I used to be the guy that would wake up two hours before school go shoot as many junk shots as possible. And I’m talking about like drills, um, go wash up, go to school, come back, practice another two hours, go to play with people and then practice after they left. So I was like, uh, gym rest. So I took the same and that’s where my book and my, my business translated success. LC came from. I translated what I did on the basketball court to what I do now. And what I did was I took that same mentality to prepping for this speech. And I worked my butt off. I was waking up early. I would, every time I had a thought, I wrote it down, I was practicing it in the shower whenever I was walking anywhere, I was, I was envisioning me on the stage and speaking and how I would react and how I would, um, how I would adjust in the moment when things may come up, um, during the presentation.

Carlos J Malave (04:35):

So I’m like prepping it. And I remember it like it was yesterday. I go up there and I was, you know, knees, weak arms are heavy. Palms are sweaty, the whole Eminem verse. I remember having that feeling like super nervous, right before a basketball game that I had in that moment. And then I started speaking and the, after the first sentence, it was like, I took a breath of fresh air and everything went extremely smooth. And I remember babies crying, uh, people laughing, people like, you know, it was like a good reaction. And I was like, wow, I could do this. So with that, I got into education and I felt if I can get in front of children and people, I could get this feeling. So I got a degree in education and I started speaking on the side of that. And along the way, while I was in education, teaching different various, uh, topics.

Carlos J Malave (05:39):

So I went from a seminar teacher, which is high school readiness for a middle school to a health teacher, to a physical education teacher. I was always good with building relationships. And I remember I was helping the Dean of culture on a campus out here in Houston. And he had mentioned to me, have you ever heard of restorative practices? I said, no. Is that it aligns to what you do and what you talk about already? So you should sign up for this conference in Houston. So I signed up for as a restorative conference. Uh, I looked up what it was and it really aligned. It was the restorative practices was created in the seventies where it was in the prison system, where it was trying to get the offender to sit down with the person who was offended and have a conversation to create the healing.

Carlos J Malave (06:29):

Now, this struck me because my father was a product of the school to prison pipeline. Actually, my first two years of college, my father was calling me from Rikers island collect calls. Um, and I, while you were in school while you were in school, while you at school. Yes. While I was at school, he was calling me collect while I was at school. So I remember getting the calls. It was like, do you accept? You know, and that was something that I had to go through. So they, it struck a nerve in me. Like I was like, oh, this, this, this, this deep for me, like this connects. So I, I got into it and I remember connecting my work to the practice. And I did this speech and Kip Houston, Texas was there and a group of kids, some counselors, they came up to me after and they were very moved by my speech.

Carlos J Malave (07:24):

And they asked me if I was interested in working in kid. So the principal hit me up the very next Monday, that was a weekend. And he hit me up the Monday and he asked, he offered me a position to teach at the school. We worked out, which I went through the interview process and that we agreed that it wasn’t right at the moment. But we developed a partnership where I implemented my book on the freshman seminar class and I spoke and did PDs for the next year. And then the following year after that in 2018, he created a position for me, the principal at Kip Houston high school. At the time he created a position for me as a restorative justice coordinator. So while I was there, I was able to deal with conflict on campus. Uh, run circles, work with admin, with teachers, with students.

Carlos J Malave (08:17):

And I was given this huge opportunity to teach one class per day and I could call it whatever I wanted. So I called the restorative justice council and there was a group of kids that already had credit. There were juniors and seniors, a couple of sprinkle of like two or three sophomores in there that were interested in being in, in a council. And I created the restorative justice council and I taught them conflict resolution circle, leading skills. And they became, and I made it measurable. I made assessments for it. I had lessons for it. I had projects for them. It was very enjoyable to do with them. And, you know, that’s where the vulnerability started. I, I had to lead by example and I was working with them and then it became the frontline defense. So I had them dealing with conflict in the classrooms, in the hallways, giving them duties.

Carlos J Malave (09:03):

And I used my network to get them to do presentations at neighboring schools and, and communities where they started showing on that’s where we got the feature on ABC news, because everybody started hearing about our work within schools and how the discipline was changing on campus, because it was student led and student to student accountability was taking place, which is what restorative justice can do if it’s done. Right. But it has to be holistic. So, and that all happened in three months. Like it was crazy how quick this oh, that’s fast happened. Yeah. Three months of being on the campus. All of that happened. We go on break for Christmas break and we come back, we’re ready to go. And then on January 10th, 2019, my father committed suicide. And it was very traumatic. Um, I was very close to my dad. Like I, I articulated to you and, um, he aligned to the work.

Carlos J Malave (09:58):

So it was very hard. It was a very hard time for me, but I remember having to go to therapy and then having to use the stuff that I was teaching these kids to save my life. It wasn’t a game. It wasn’t something that I was just doing, um, to make myself feel good. At this point, it was honestly something that would I needed to do to save my life, to be a better father, a better husband, a better brother, a better son to my mother, a better friend to my friends. And it kind of slowed everything down. And it, it was crazy that that happened right before the pandemic. And it, it really gave me an opportunity to make myself whole. So I used that opportunity to, you know, work on myself, build myself back up, understand who I’m really, who I really am and what I’m about and what I want to do.

Carlos J Malave (10:51):

And I went back, I finished off the year and then I had a whole curriculum sitting there and I said, my wife said, Hey, say, take some time to truly heal. And, you know, build something from what you created so far. She gave me a chance. She said, I’ll give you a year. And I took the year, I copy wrote the curriculum. I pitched it to schools. And I started speaking and offering my, my curriculum as a holistic tool to build restorative practices, to build community and culture within your schools. So I got this huge opportunity. I bet on myself, the school didn’t want to, um, hire me as a speaker. They were, they were talking about, they were lower on money. I said, all right, do let me get two day PD with your staff. And then we can talk further after that. And I completely bet on myself.

Carlos J Malave (11:42):

I think they paid me like 2000 or $3,000. I don’t really remember the number, but it wasn’t my highest paying, um, opportunity. And they paid me. I came in, it was in school in New York. And after the second day, I remember people were crying. People were hugging. People were like, it was a very transformative experience for not only the staff for me and the principal stood up at the end of the secondary’s all right, that’s it. We’re gonna hire you. We’re gonna buy your curriculum. And we were gonna bring you in as a full-time consultant. And that’s how I got started in the business of consulting schools and implementing curriculum. And then I started getting into schools. I got a couple opportunities to teach my curriculum full time at a Kip school, um, in Houston, uh, middle school and elementary. And then I just started building that out.

Carlos J Malave (12:42):

And I’ve been, my mission has been ever since to cuz I believe the way I created my curriculum and what the work has in it. I truly believe that if my father was exposed to this type of work, when he was younger, he would have developed the skills to still be alive today. And I truly believe that. So when I see kids kid that comes to mind, Sam, um, when I was working at the high school, he splitting image of my father. Anger issues would lose it in a quick second, but it was just all a cry for help. And you know, we still are in contact today and we still talk and um, go play basketball from time to time. And he’s a grown man now, but I just believe that the work that I’ve done could help more kids not end up in a situation like my father was.

Carlos J Malave (13:34):

So that’s how I got into education consulting. And speaking about the topic that I speak about with restorative practices is, is deeper for me is not a book that I read is not a conference that I went to. I actually lived it. I’ve actually practiced it. I’m practicing it as we speak and I’m continuing to lead by example. So that’s why I’m doing what I do. And that’s why I love what I do, cuz it’s bigger than me. And I believe my father’s by my side, he step of the way, um, experiencing it with me,

Casey J Cornelius (14:07):

You know, Carlos, every, every time I do one of these interviews and every time I have a conversation with, with one of our folks, I, I, I always learn something new. And as you were, as you were describing your, your journey and your evolution, there’s elements of it, that sort of, um, I wanted to unpack with you just a little bit and that sort of resonated. And I think it’s, it’s some of it I think all of us can relate to. And then some of us, some of it, you know, probably none of us can relate to the first one is having people along your journey, who, um, vouched for you, who, who made a suggestion for you, who voluntold you, that you were going to do something. Yes. And then, Hey, you know, you should, you should learn about restorative practices because it sounds like how important were those people as, as you look back and reflect, um, to who you are today?

Carlos J Malave (14:57):

Absolutely. Um, we had this conversation privately before about my father being a person that allowed me to be the, the, the person who ends the cycle of generational trauma. Right? My father, my father had a lot of flaws. My father struggled with a lot, but the best attribute my father ever had was noticing that he couldn’t fill a certain role and he allowed other people to enter my life. He did not block other men from mentoring me. And I remember vividly as a little boy, him inviting coach Powell, coach Karatas Tim Mar to my house for super bowl, Sundays and, and, and festivals and parties. And I’m looking back like at the time, I didn’t really understand what he was doing, but these men became my mentors and father figures for me. And I had a group of men around me that show me different aspects of what I could become.

Carlos J Malave (16:10):

My father had his things that I wanted to take from him, but he knew he couldn’t, he couldn’t fill all the gaps and he knew he needed a, a team, a village as they say, and my father allowed that to happen. So with that, I’ve always was exposed to having people give me feedback for the betterment of my future. So with that, it just became second nature. I remember on the court, like I was very respectable. I would never, uh, like I would always listen and hear cuz in the neighborhood I grew up in, I wasn’t the best basketball player. I wasn’t the tallest, I wasn’t the fastest, I wasn’t the most known. And there were people that, you know, I, I played in the neighborhood with people that could have been pro, could have played college basketball and were that good, but didn’t have the mentorship or didn’t have the opportunities or the setup kind of like I had, or they weren’t fortunate enough to, you know, have things open up for them like I was able to have.

Carlos J Malave (17:22):

So I was exposed to all of that. And I remember learning that I had to be open to listening to and watching everything. So I’ll take a piece from this player. I’ll take a piece from that player I can ask, how do you do that? How did you get better at that? And then giving me feedback. And then I was able to build myself up where I didn’t play my freshman year on varsity. I rode the bench to junior breaking records and being the only person to win awards and get a scholarship to go to college on the basketball team. And that came from a lot of, and I, and I talked to the people that guided me and helped me along the way. I’ve always showed respect to those people that, you know, the old heads and the, the, the people that were willing to always give me advice.

Carlos J Malave (18:13):

So I’ve always been exposed to that and it showed great value to me throughout the years cuz they would, they would tell me something, I would apply it and then I would make the decision doesn’t make sense or not. Right. You know, to, to continue to use it. So with that, I think it’s very important. It has helped me grow since of, so it was second nature since I was a little boy. So as I got older, it became easier, but I, I would push people that have that fear of taking that feedback or listening to people, uh, reaching out and identifying that they are trying to help you that, you know, nobody makes it alone and keep you, I think opportunities are there, it’s you positioning yourself to be open to them and seeing them at the right time that will get you to the next level.

Carlos J Malave (19:06):

And I just, I would push kids and I want to lead by example and be that person that pushes the kid to see that opportunity and, and, and, and take it. So I would, I would continue to tell people to just put yourself in position around people that can expose you to it and, and, and just test it out. And if it’s good, apply it. If it’s not, then you could, you can say with confidence why you shouldn’t apply it. So that’s the advice I would say. And that’s what I would say with my experience about mentors and people coming in is very valuable. And I’ve with my studies of people that have done great things in every career path. It, they never did it alone. Right. They just learned from somebody and they built from it.

Casey J Cornelius (19:50):

It’s, it’s funny that you say that it’s, it’s one of the things that I’m, I’m always, so I don’t know, may maybe it just, you know, tingles, tingles in the back of my neck in the wrong way, but whatever, I hear anybody talk about, like the self-made success, right? It, there are, there are no self-made successes. There, there are people who’ve been invested in at critical moments in their life. And I think that there’s a certain humility that goes along with being coachable as well. And you and I have connected on this before and, and, and that maybe sports is, is one path for it, but it can, it can take a lot of different, um, avenues. And that is understand, like, we all know people, you probably have friends. I have friends who are like the, the, the, you can’t tell me nothing people, right?

Casey J Cornelius (20:34):

Like you can’t tell me nothing. And I always feel bad for those people because there’s, there’s limited capacity because they refuse to learn from others. And, uh, and it sounds like, you know, just sort of in your evolution, one, that was who you are as a recipient, but now it truly is part of your mission as well. And that is to pour into others. There’s, there’s something else on your journey that, um, I, I’d never heard you articulate before, but it’s, it’s a really interesting thing, you know, as, as most of us look back at the pandemic that, that sort of period of time where everything was disrupted, we often look at it as a time of loss, right? Like grieving a loss of, um, predictability or opportunities or, or, you know, the ability to, to travel easily or anything of the sort. But it sounds like for you after the loss of your father, it was a, it was an essential time for you to deal with the grief that you were experiencing as well. Have, have you ever stopped to wonder, like, I mean, this maybe is not the right phrase for it, but like what a blessing that period of the pandemic became for you?

Carlos J Malave (21:46):

Yeah. I, I think about it all the time. I know a lot has happened during the pandemic and it wasn’t good for everybody. So I empathized with everybody that went through right. Serious times, losing people. And I truly empathized with that, but for my personal experience, it was needed for me. It’s a big reason why I’m still standing to be honest. Uh, it was, I had just had the most traumatic thing happen to me. And ironically, you know, it’s, it goes deep. I was in a, I was a having a meeting with one of my mentees who was a boy who was struggling communicating with his father. And I was, and was telling me his stuff. And I was advising him and telling him about my relationship with my dad and how I was able to let go and let him and accept my father for who he was.

Carlos J Malave (22:37):

And that’s what made my relationship better with my father. We were able to talk, cause I didn’t expect him to be something he was, and I just accepted what he was and what he did was good. Right. In regards of being a father to me and me and him are talking and I missed my dad’s call, the last call my father ever made. And it, and it, it was hard. I missed a call and a couple months before he, he was thinking about jumping and he had me talk him out of it. And then we worked through it. But you know, I think he wanted me to do it again. And when I didn’t pick up, he felt he couldn’t do it by himself, continue life. So he ended up ending it and you know, I had to live with that. So that’s, I’m telling you the story, because it’s tell you the, the depths of what I had to overcome, you know, and you know, my wife scared me one night when she was like, I’m nervous. I’m, I’m scared as hell because I don’t know if you’re gonna be okay. And I’m like, what do you mean? It’s like, now that your father’s, who was I going to be? Now that my dad was gone.

Carlos J Malave (24:00):

So when my wife told me that I was baffled, I could not answer that question. Who was I going to be? Now that my dad was gone and I broke down. And the next day I was in therapy. So the work I’ve really had to do was bigger than me. And it was hard. My relationship was on the line. I had to identify what I was doing over time with everything that was happening to the people that I loved and was close to me and really rediscover who I was and who rather who I wanted to be moving forward. So when I went back to work, it was healing and I started my business and I had a half a year of starting my business, seeing some success with it. And then the pandemic happened and it really gave, it really slowed everything down where I was able to connect with family members on a different way, with friends in a different way, and really appreciate things. And I don’t know. It’s weird when you say blessing, like it’s weird, cuz I don’t know if my father set it up that way. And I don’t want to, it’s hard to say that because I know a lot of people went through some really tough times, but for me personally, it gave me a time to really reflect, find out who I was and rebuild to some greater

Casey J Cornelius (25:39):

It’s. It’s interesting because one of the things that I, I personally processed through the pandemic years, um, and the loss of predictability and stability and relationships and having lost loved ones is, is the impact of grief on us. And you know, like <laugh> they say that there’s sort of a, a standard path of grieving, right? Like you go from this stage to this stage and this stage, and then eventually you get, get to a place where you’re better. And I, I don’t know, my, my, my grieving process throughout that time seemed to not be, uh, linear at all, seemed to be bouncing all around. Yeah. Um, but then I, I started asking myself, is it possible that some of this is, is good grief, right? Like, is it, is it possible that we can take something from these hard experiences and, and for you obviously hard on a, on a monumental level and redirected that energy toward something good, something better, something, you know, mission, mission focused.

Casey J Cornelius (26:42):

And, and I, I wanna, I wanna spend just a second cuz you know, um, we we’ve talked about the restorative power stuff that, that you, you do, but also your work on mental wellness, suicide prevention, and then, you know, a program that, that I think sort of cuts across all of those things. Um, you’ve titled it, our father’s sons confronting trauma, breaking generational patterns and writing a new narrative for men in masculinity. And I remember as you were describing the program to me, you said, I wish my dad had had this message during his formative years. Can you talk a little bit about that program and how it sort of achieves some of these things that, that are, um, uh, missions for you?

Carlos J Malave (27:25):

Yes. And I think the key in the work that I’ve been trying to do is not to be gimmicky, you know, and it’s not about making a profit out of my pain is really, and I think working through that has been a part of the process of like, how does it come off genuine? How can I really relay a message that connects my story and connects with people that I can really help, you know, and have it be organic and what I’ve been able to do with this program, my father’s sons is be able to make myself the example for others to address their situations. And my father is, it is crazy. Cuz when I lost my father, I learned a lot. I kind of like did my research and found out like it goes deep. My father’s father jumped in front of a, a truck, but my father was four.

Carlos J Malave (28:41):

My father jumped in front of a train when I was 29. My mission is that my daughter doesn’t ask why I jump. So when I say our father’s sons, we are, my personal story has been struggling to have our father’s behold and hold. And my father opened me up to, as I articulated earlier, opened me up and exposed me to men that could lead better lives. So I’m literally doing what my father did for me and I didn’t even know he was doing so it’s very personal for me. Yeah. When it comes to our father’s sons, even hearing the name and the name coming outta my mouth gives me chills cuz you know, I’m putting it together as we speak. And I’m just like, yeah, my, my, my father did that and he did that without a father without knowing his father. He was able to support me in helping me become the father I am today.

Carlos J Malave (29:55):

And if I can do that and help our men be better mentors, fathers, brothers, cousins, whatever, by this experience, then it would all have made sense and it would all connect. And that’s why I named that. That’s why I’m passionate about it. And I believe everybody can connect to it when it comes to, we are all our fathers, sons and daughters being able to understand what happened in our own, in our own books, our own stories. What happened in that relationship to make you who you are or what are you trying to run away from or what are you afraid of and identifying those things so that you can become whole. And if we become whole, our fathers did their jobs.

Casey J Cornelius (31:03):

I love it. Uh, no, I, I just on, on a very personal level, Carlos, I um, from the beginning I’ve told you this, I, I really love your message. I love your mission. Um, on a human level, I think all of us, um, find ourselves whether we had good relationships, bad relationships with our, with our parents, with our, our loved ones, we find ourselves reflecting something from them either, you know, knowingly or unknowingly. Um, I find myself doing this from time to time, like I’ll say something and be like, where, where did that phrase come from? Like what, how, how did I even get to that? Well, <laugh>, I, I, you know, if you pull the string far enough, you can figure out that it traces back to my father, his father. So, and, and, and on and on and on mm-hmm <affirmative>. And I think that, um, breaking some of those generational patterns that maybe don’t serve us very well today and into the future.

Casey J Cornelius (31:58):

That’s a hard thing to do. You know, I often say in, in my own work, listen, you know, by the time we get to chat with an audience of 18 to 22 year olds, let’s just say they have decades of learning something mm-hmm <affirmative> so, so dis to disrupt that pattern of thinking and doing within an hour or three hours or three days is almost impossible, but with a message as compelling as yours with the sort of outcomes with, with the strategies, with the, the mindset that you talk about that can create that positive disruption and begin the process of replacing these patterns with something better and healthier. And I think that’s just fantastic. I, I, I, um, I, I just believe in your work wholeheartedly, um, this, this is obviously for those who are listening, this is very, uh, deep and personal for Carlos.

Casey J Cornelius (32:55):

Um, and I, and, and I, I don’t want this program to only be about the, the deep and personal, because, you know, I want you to know a little bit about Carlos as a person too. Um, he’s, he’s a husband, he’s a father. Um, like you said, he’s a basketball player. He, he, uh, grew up in New York and now is in Texas. And, uh, you know, there’s, there’s so many facets to him. It just so happens that the stuff that he talks about, the, the stuff he speaks on, the stuff that he’s a consultant on are just really deep, important topics. And, uh, I, I hope you get to know a little bit more about him if you haven’t yet visit for college for life.com/carlos. Um, Carlos, I, I want to ask you a question. This is sort of an interesting story and I, I, you shared it with me, uh, just, just recently. So I am a fellow J middle initial person. So I always go by, by Casey J <laugh> you go by Carlos, Jay, but there’s a story to this, right?

Carlos J Malave (33:48):

Yes, yes, yes, yes. <laugh>

Casey J Cornelius (33:50):

Tell us the J story.

Carlos J Malave (33:52):

So my, the J in my name stands for junior, and this is how it came about, cuz I asked my dad and I was very confused. My father’s name is Carlos Mala and he was very fond. Carlos Rubin, Mala. He was very fond of the name junior. And I remember asking, I was like, don’t make sense. Why isn’t my junior at the end? Like why it doesn’t like people just put the junior at the end. Why is mine in the middle? I used to be so upset about seeing the junior in the middle, like Carlos junior Malave. And I was like, why? Like, it don’t make no sense. It’s so weird. And he used to peeve me and I asked my dad, I had a conversation with him when I was a team. And he, I, like, I asked him, I was like, why did you, he was like, I like the word. I like the name junior. So cool. I was like, Bob, did you? And I called my dad, Bob, Bob, did you know if you just gave me your middle name? Ruben, I would’ve been junior regardless. And he stood in silence and I was like, are you serious? <laugh> that you did not know that you, that did never process. He was like, oh. And I was like, <laugh> it was like,

Casey J Cornelius (35:08):

Love it. I

Carlos J Malave (35:09):

Love it. The most, it was funny at the time and we laugh and we joke. I like, oh my God, that was not smart at all. My man, that was, that was terrible. Uh, you did a disservice there, but <laugh> um, we, um, we talked and then I, I got over it and I eventually, I, I, cuz I used to go to the park, um, when I was a little boy and I used to go, you know, playground and play and then my dad would call my name. Carlos and 10 heads will turn around. Always. It was either Carlos or Jose and those names had like 20,000 people, um, that had the same reaction to so like people would turn around and I would be like, oh my God, like I have a common name. So when I did a Google search and I text in my name, Carlos Mala, a bunch of different people came up and then I saw the J in a different way.

Carlos J Malave (36:06):

I was like, oh, and I remember being from New York, this is where my logo comes from. CJM I remember looking at the Yankee logo, the N on top of the Y I was like, oh, the C with the J on top of the M kind of looks cool. So <laugh> and I was like, and then I typed in Carlos, J VE and nothing popped up. So I was like, oh, there’s Elaine. And the birth of CJM Carlos J Malave came about. And now if you search up the name, Carlos J Malave, I only pop up, which is, uh, something that I’m grateful for now. So I kind of thank my dad now in a weird way. Uh, because now I am different than all the other Carlos’s

Casey J Cornelius (36:53):

I love it. And by the way, if you, if you wanna make Carlos smile, call him junior every once in a while, like car Carlos junior, cuz now you know the story behind the name. There you go, Carlos. Uh, can I get you outta here on some, some fast questions? So absolutely some opportunities for folks to get to know a little bit more about you, uh, as well. Yes. All right, here we go. So this is hard to imagine being a, a father and a speaker consultant, all that other kind of stuff, but let’s imagine for a second that you have an entire day to binge watch anything. What do you choose?

Carlos J Malave (37:26):

I love movies and I love sports. If I could marriage those two, I would. Okay. It’s weird. So I’m gonna answer this question. I would watch like my favorite movie of all time is he got game with Denzel Washington. Oh

Casey J Cornelius (37:43):

Yeah.

Carlos J Malave (37:44):

And the dynamic with the father. You, you could see why that’s my favorite movie now that you know my story. Sure. So I would rewatch those movies, loving basketball, and because it was deeper than basketball, like all these movies that talked about basketball showed a connection to life and that’s how my life turned out. If it wasn’t for basketball, I, would’ve never connected a lot that translated my success. So I would watch those things. And then I would, I would binge on all those movies and then oddly enough, I would binge on Fraser cuz I just think he’s FRA <laugh> okay. Yeah. All right. It is that witty comedy that I didn’t think was funny until I was an adult and I started watching it with my wife. I’m like, I can’t stop LA like my wife is like, you always say you don’t wanna watch it. And then you’re like in tears, like literally in tears laughing when I watched the show. But yeah,

Casey J Cornelius (38:36):

Listen, in a million years I could have guessed. He got game. I could have guessed like, but Frazier would not have been my guess for your answer here. This is I’m

Carlos J Malave (38:46):

Very diverse is very diverse. This

Casey J Cornelius (38:48):

Is good. In fact, to this day, when someone, uh, shows Ray Allen or says the name Ray, the first thing I think of is he got Gabe. I, I don’t, I don’t know what Jesus, Jesus, there you, yep. There you go. Uh, Carlos, what is the most used app on your phone?

Carlos J Malave (39:05):

I would say Instagram.

Casey J Cornelius (39:06):

Okay. What do you like about it?

Carlos J Malave (39:10):

I, I just like connecting the, I think it depends cuz social media could be different for people and I could see how it could be damaging in certain areas. But I think it’s all depending on who you follow and who I follow are people that are, um, about spreading positivity. It’s about, um, showing different ideas and um, experiences. So when I look at it, it’s inspiring for me. Um, and then I find ways that I can be a service on the app as well when I’m on it, through my content. So yeah, it’s uh, it is something that I’m always on because I’m looking at that. I follow a lot of, uh, people that are doing great things in the world and give me a, a bit of motivation and um, inspiration at times.

Casey J Cornelius (40:04):

I think what you just said is super important and something that I I’ve heard people reference before. And I think, I think it’s a great point. What, who you choose to follow is what you’re choosing to inhale as well. Yes. Right. Like, yes. If, if you want to see good stuff, follow good people. If you wanna see bad stuff and, and trolls and all that other kind of stuff, follow the people who do that. But my guess is your worldview. Your mindset is going to be different based on, based on that choice. Exactly. Uh, Carlos, who would you most want to have dinner with?

Carlos J Malave (40:37):

Jay-Z

Casey J Cornelius (40:38):

Okay.

Carlos J Malave (40:39):

I, I grew up, you know, he’s my favorite artist, favorite businessman. I just, I think like he translated his success. If it makes sense. My business is called translating success. This man came from the gutter. Um, he uses resources. He continued to evolve and elevate his game into. Now he’s a billionaire and I don’t look at it as a money thing. I look at it as a, a person thing, like the skills that he had to attain to get out of the madness from almost being murdered, to being able to adjust and sidestep and find different avenues to thrive and, and then be able to give back and be a philanthropist and all of that. So on a deeper level, I think he has done the work to become whole. And regardless of how you feel about his music, regardless of how you feel about, um, his upbringing and his stuff that he was engaging in, in the past, he’s a person that did the work to become whole.

Carlos J Malave (41:44):

So if I want to be whole, I need to follow people that I, that I need to follow people that are doing the same. So since I was a little boy, I remember I changed the lyrics up to his song. Um, ho did that. So hopefully you won’t have to go through that. I used to go around and saying, my dad did that. So hopefully I won’t have to go through that. Like I literally used to like take rhymes that he used to say and flip ’em to my circumstance and situation. So to see where he’s able to evolve into gives me great pride to say, yes, I follow that guy that has completely flipped his situation on his head and, and created great things from it. So something that I aspire to do,

Casey J Cornelius (42:27):

JayZ has one of the, the best quotes about business and entrepreneurship ever, right? Yes. Which is, I’m a business. I’m not a businessman. I’m a business, man. Yes. There you go. Excellent. Right. Carlos, what do you do to wind down? Like, do you have any rituals? Do you have any things that you do that says, okay, now is the moment that I’m going to relax? What do you do to wind down?

Carlos J Malave (42:50):

Uh, it is weird to wind down. I think it’s a escape is basketball. Like I get on the court and I just, I love it. Like I love the feeling before I still get the chills. Before I get on the court, I’m seeing what gaps need to be filled. How can I support my teammates to get to the next level? Like it becomes a whole escape. And then I envision me forcing my dad to go out there and do drills with me when I was a little boy and him and me and him having that moment and me reflecting on, you know, focusing and disciplining myself to shoot, or every time I miss a shot, what did I do wrong? I didn’t spread my fingers out. I didn’t tuck my elbow in, I didn’t square my feet up. Um, I was distracted by a noise and all of that. I get lost and all of that, like, I literally love, love the sound of the sneakers that squeak when you play. And that annoys my wife and I just love it. Like I just, you know what I mean? I, I love the little pieces of the game, um, because it just takes me back to that development stage. And if, as long as I can always go back to that, I can always be reminded of what needs to be done to continue to grow and build and evolve.

Casey J Cornelius (44:07):

Awesome. Awesome. Um, folks for, for those of you listening again, if you wanna know about more about Carlos, uh, please visit forcollegeforlife.com/carlos. Uh, if you’re not yet familiar with him, his story, his programs, uh, they’re, they’re powerful and certainly ones that are going to equip audiences on some really, really important and difficult topics. Carlos, I’m gonna get you outta here on this last question. How can best connect with you?

Carlos J Malave (44:33):

Yes. Uh, I would say follow me on Instagram, CJ motivation. That’s also the name of my website, CJmotivation.com. But if you could find me on social media, CJ motivation, or my name call J on YouTube, that is the best way to reach me. I respond quickly to all my BMS, all my messages. Um, I’m always on there just, you know, willing to build those relationships. So if you want to get in contact with me, you just wanna have a talk. Um, you want to connect, uh, you want to collab reach out to me on my social media platforms. Instagram is the biggest one. Um, CJ motivation. So yeah, I would love to speak with anybody on here.

Casey J Cornelius (45:17):

Thanks, Carlos. I appreciate it, everyone. Thank you for listening. I, I, I cannot thank you enough for giving some of your time. Um, in, in another paraphrase of Jay-Z you could have been anywhere in the world, but you just spent the last several minutes with Carlos and I, and both of us really, really appreciate that. We look forward to, to working with you. Um, hope you can share this, this podcast, like it subscribe, um, you know, comment, all that other kind of good stuff that, that allows more people to see it. And we look forward to the next opportunity to chat with you. And so then be well, and we’ll talk to you soon.

 

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